you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just google imaged poop.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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