i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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