I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
