Cold hands, warm shart.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
