i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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