and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
