You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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