I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my sisters under your porch take her home
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
