So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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