I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
