I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
