I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
