That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
