Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
