I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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