this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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