Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
