I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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