Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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