I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize