So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
