My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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