youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
