Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
