So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
