My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize