i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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