if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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