She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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