so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
