You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
