I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
