Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize