dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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