idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
