...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
