Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
