I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
