i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
