Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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