Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am mentally ready for anal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize