My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I deserve this hangover.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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