as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
