i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
