woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
