When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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