so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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