the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
