I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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