he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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