Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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