my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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