I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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