If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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