You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
