The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
