John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
