I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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