she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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