We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
