I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
