I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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