pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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