So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
